explicit

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doin' just fine
Got to, got to be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss
It was only a kiss 

                                                                 The Killers

I don't know why I keep dwell on this...things won't change until I actually DO something. Thinking is useful but acts are inevitable. And I know that. I'm just ignoring the facts. Maybe becuase I'm scared. Maybe because I'm a coward.

I've learned to ask myself a question when I'm hesitate: "What's the worst thing that could happen?" In this case I'm risking loosing a good friend of mine. But then again something tells me that the chanse of that happening is bigger if I don't speak up. (Stupid thought! It won't happen. Your'e not as important as you think!)

Why did I put myself in this situation? It's causing me even more mental stress than ordinary. Maybe my subconsciousness did it so I would finally make up from my lethargy. Too long I've been puting up scenarios in my head, trotting along in my REAL life just waiting for the thoughts to come true. I want to put that behavior behind me. I want to live in the moment I'm in. But it sounds easier than it is. The force of habit is one scary power. Trust me, I know. And I hate myself for doing it. I always blame everything on me. Somehow I can relate every negative thing coming up to what I just have done. Is it just in my head?

Maybe. Maybe not. I want answers. And I want them given to me. That's what I would say if someone asked "What do you want most of all right now?".

"ANSWERS."